Surgery #8

Well...let's start with the good news. This morning, before her surgery, her CRPs were down to 4! The surgery went well, the muscle looked great, and Dr. Carroll was able to close her lower leg. Great news! Now we just pray that the infection will continue to decrease and respond favorably to all of the antibiotics that she is on. There is a chance that the infection could get worse and we would have to start the process all over again; that did, after all, happen last time we closed her all up. However, we are optimistically looking forward to recovery after lucky surgery #8. Post-op wasn't so lucky, unfortunately. Before surgery Timmie was feeling unusually trepidatious. She texted Kaden at 6:45 am to let him know she was nervous, and she cried for the first time going into the OR. When Timmie got back to her room after spending some time in the recovery room, she was breathing heavily and couldn't catch her breath. Her chest would rise so high off of the bed with each breath that she was literally arching her back. Her oxygen was dropping and her blood pressure and heart rate were sky-rocketing. They quickly called a rapid response and within minutes the room was filled with a critical care team. There were easily 15-20 people in the room and another dozen or so just outside of the door. Timmie was in tremendous pain, similar to what she experienced after her second surgery. I was frightened and stood near the back of the room staring out the window and praying for help. They told Timmie that I was in the room and she looked for me, so they had me come to the head of her bed. It's amazing that in critical situations like these I can push aside my own fears and help Timmie deal with her own. And when I say amazing, I mean entirely beyond my own strength and capabilities. Those are the times when I feel the Lord take over. I rubbed her hair, held her hand, and whispered in her ear. I prayed for strength and peace for both of us. The medical team was prepared and knowledgable, but visibly concerned. Without making too public things that are tender and sacred to Timmie, I will say that she was encircled in the arms of God's love. After about 40 minutes (and rather suddenly and miraculously) she returned to normal and we were both filled with peace. Several people - doctors, nurses, social workers - were worried about both Timmie and I after the traumatic episode, but we were both extremely comforted. Ok... I have been resisting the urge to throw out my favorite Scarlet Letter quote because I will inevitably be made fun of by just about everyone in my family, but we have come to the point that I have no choice...I just can't hold it in. So my boyfriend, Nathaniel Hawthorne (it's okay, Bo knows and has come to terms with it) so astutely observes, "In our nature, however, there is a provision, alike marvelous and merciful, that the sufferer should never know the intensity of what he endures by its present torture, but chiefly by the pang that rankles after it." I believe that Hawthorne acknowledges here the strength of the human spirit. It is indeed "marvelous and merciful" and amazing and mind boggling all at once that when we are called to face the unthinkable challenge, the unbearable burden, the unimaginable obstacle, that some power inherent within us all kicks in, and we are able to endure, survive, even thrive amidst the struggle. I have felt this before and am most definitely feeling it now. I am sure that the "pang that rankles" after this trial will be unlike any pang in my heart I have ever felt. I am sure that it is a feeling that will resonate within the depths of my soul for all my years to come. But I am thankful to my Father in Heaven for this provision of strength and fortitude, and I testify that He is ever near.