Thursday, July 5, 2012

Surgery #6

So, apparently I am becoming a blogger. Not sure it's my thing, but practical has always been my style, so we will give it a whirl. Today...hmmm...I wonder if the date will show up on this thing...marks our 11th day at Primary Children's Hospital and Timberly's sixth surgery on her leg. Our days have been eventful (if my students are reading this that was an example of litotes, although I don't know how intentional it was so probably not a very good example), so I will definitely have to add some posts about our previous experiences as I go along. Her first three surgeries were focused on the compartment syndrome in her lower leg. Her fourth reopened that compartment as well as her ankle. Her fifth opened lower leg, ankle, and lower thigh. There were some complications last night after surgery #5 (understatement once again) that resulted in her bleeding out of the vacuums they had attached to her open wounds. Did I mention that they leave her wounds open at times in order to vacuum out infection continuously while anticipating at least one more necessary procedure? Well, suffice it to say the two of us had the most traumatic experience of our lives last night waiting for a doctor to arrive to stop her bleeding. I teach my students that writing is therapeutic, but hypocritical as it may sound,there are no words -yet- to express the horror I felt as I knelt beside her bed applying pressure to her erupting wound and pleading for help from someone...God, the nurses, the resident, anyone. Needless to say, after what seemed like eternity the situation was handled, and although excruciatingly painful and horrifically terrifying for sweet Timmie, she was stable and somewhat pacified for the remainder of the night. This morning Dr. Carroll, an amazingly talented and caring orthopedic surgeon, informed us they needed to take her back to the O.R. to repeat the procedure, reaffix the three vacuums, and administer another nerve block for the leg. The block only lasts about 16-24 hours, but Tim sees it as a huge blessing because her narcotics don't alleviate her nerve pain. She has a pain doc who is working on this particular challenge of her condition. Since we have been here, she hasn't been mobile. With a clot in her right arm and infection in her left leg, IVs in her left arm and blood pressure cuff on right leg, there really isn't much she can do for herself. She has had to completely sacrifice her independence and allow us to care for her. She has been remarkable in the face of adversity but who would expect anything less of her? Obviously, she has her moments of fear, doubt, despondency, and sorrow, but inevitably she rises. Oh...that reminds me of her favorite Maya Angelou poem... "I Rise" or maybe it is called "Still I Rise". I would post it now if I were that talented. Taryn, that may be a job for you. Her sixth surgery went well, and she is currently watching episodes of Friends, eating ice cream, and probably texting Kaden. This is as happy as she has been in quite some time, so join with me in a big sigh of relief and praise to our Heavenly Father for this moment in time. We love you all and you really could never know how each prayer offered in our behalf, each tear shed in compassion, each thoughtful card or gift, each kind act or inspired word touches are hearts deeply and uniquely. As overwhelming as all of this can be, we are learning to tackle each day in isolation and make small goals for ourselves. Sometimes the goal is simply to survive, but other days we are more ambitious. I would especially like to express gratitude for my family. Each one of them is able to present a face of fortitude and resilience. I am smart enough to know that they save their weak moments for times and places that are hidden from my view. What a show of love to stand as beacons of strength to us in our darkest hour. I miss my sweet Julian more than words could ever express. I love my husband with all my heart, so much that I hesitate to express it publicly, as if it may somehow sacrifice a bit of its pure and sacred nature. I should get over that. He is amazing and has been our rock. I am thankful for the Savior and his Atonement, his ability to succor his people in their sorrow. I am grateful for the Holy Ghost and the peace he provides to my troubled soul.

8 comments:

  1. You may write me down in history
    With your bitter, twisted lies,
    You may trod me in the very dirt
    But still, like dust, I'll rise.

    Does my sassiness upset you?
    Why are you beset with gloom?
    'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
    Pumping in my living room.

    Just like moons and like suns,
    With the certainty of tides,
    Just like hopes springing high,
    Still I'll rise.

    Did you want to see me broken?
    Bowed head and lowered eyes?
    Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
    Weakened by my soulful cries?

    Does my haughtiness offend you?
    Don't you take it awful hard
    'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
    Diggin' in my own backyard.

    You may shoot me with your words,
    You may cut me with your eyes,
    You may kill me with your hatefulness,
    But still, like air, I'll rise.

    Does my sexiness upset you?
    Does it come as a surprise
    That I dance like I've got diamonds
    At the meeting of my thighs?

    Out of the huts of history's shame
    I rise
    Up from a past that's rooted in pain
    I rise
    I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
    Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

    Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
    I rise
    Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
    I rise
    Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
    I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
    I rise
    I rise
    I rise.

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  2. The above poem is ... Still I Rise... By Maya Angelou
    We Love you guys and we will pray for Timmie and your Entire amazing family. We are here for you if you need ANYTHING no matter how big or small... Just ask.

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  3. Thank you for the update. The blog is a great idea. We have been worried, scared, sad, hopeful and thankful. We love you so much. You know are thoughts and prayers are with you. All day everyday.
    Love, Ray, Wendy, Megan, Matt and Emma Tanner.

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  4. Thank you, thank you for the update! Timmie is such an inspiration to me--and has been for a long time. She has so many beautiful spiritual gifts. We continue to send prayers her (and your family's) way. Beautiful poem--thanks for sharing, Anne. I, too, am here if you need anything at all!
    Love, Karin and the Dance Fam

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  5. I love you guys and I want you to know that I am praying for your family. This family is consistently in our hearts and prayers.

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  6. As I read this blog, my heart is swelling with tears along with my eyes. I love our little Timmie and her amazing wonderful family. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with her and your family. Most of all I am sorry that you have to go through this trial. I am sorry anyone has to go through a trial but I do promise with all my heart and knowledge and faith, that if we are given the trial we are also given the means to overcome it. Our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ loves us and wants us to always remember them and return back to them. The trials are to perfect us and help us return. You are an amazing and loving family and you will not go through this alone. There are others always looking over you too. I am sure they are assigned to be your protector and comforter. Love the poem and remember as was our motto, no matter what "ALL WILL BE WELL". i love you all so much. Hugs and kisses

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  7. Thank you for setting up a blog amy. I will check in regularly and in the meantime am sending good thoughts your way. Love katie and your north idaho family.

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  8. Amy, we can relate to the feelings of helplessness you are going through right now. I wish I had the words to help comfort or alleviate what is going on but having been down our own journey I know there isn't. For us it has been a time of reliance on the spirit, priesthood, and our faith. That is the only thing that got us past the worst and through the time after time after time in the hospital since. We are coming down on Tuesday the 10th of July for our usual visit and chemotherapy with Tyson so if you need anything brought from Idaho send Amy a facebook message. Are you allowed visitors?
    Brady and Amy Johnson

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